Donald Trump Names Members of His Cabinet

trump-international-hotelWell, no he hasn’t really, but we here at have come up with a list we think is pretty viable if he were to become the President of the United States (shudder!). Remember, you saw it here first:

  • Secretary of Defense: Donald J. Trump
  • Attorney General: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of the Interior: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of State: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of the Treasury: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Agriculture: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Labor: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Energy: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Education: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Homeland Security: Donald J. Trump
  • Secretary of Immigration: CABINET POSITION ELIMINATED
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Dicks Don’t Generalize!

Señor D-Bag just thinks that Persians are great negotiators.” (And let’s be honest, they’re great cats, too!)

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Trump Claims He’s a Gun Nut, But He’s Probably Lying

Screen Shot 2015-07-09 at 11.19.12 AMOne of the biggest revelations from Trump’s interview with NBC’s with Katy Tur comes not that the Dick is a misogynist (note the patronizing and condescending dripping from his mouth at every turn), but that he’s a “big” 2nd Amendment guy. When asked whether he has a gun, he says he has a “license” to have a gun. When pressed further about if in fact he HAS A GUN, he says he does, but it’s pretty clear from body language that he’s lying. Then he gets all pissy and diva-ish, saying it’s “none of your business” if he actually uses his gun.

Chances are very good that El Dick doesn’t even own a gun, but of course he has to give lip service to the GOP electorate who masturbate daily to their firearms. How much shooting is he doing from his penthouse atop the Trump Tower? Pretty sure skeet shooting is outlawed in Manhattan.

In the end, though, all of America should be glad of the probability that Trump doesn’t own a gun. Unhinged people like the Dick shouldn’t be allowed to possess a firearm.

See the entire interview here:

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El Dick Probably Hires Undocumented Workers; Makes Crappy Clothes in China

It’abc_donald_trump_made_in_china_products_dm_110428_wmain_4x3_608s getting harder now to figure out on which side of his mouth Donald Trump is talking. He hates Mexicans, but probably employs them, as he’s said. He’s also said over and over again that China is eating our lunch. But, as we’ve learned, the Trump line of cheap, crappy and downright ugly clothes are, naturally, MADE IN CHINA.

So let’s review: No to Mexican labor!* No to China!*

*Doesn’t apply to anything related to Donald Trump and his companies.
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A Certain Dick Has Way Too Much Time on His (Short Fingered) Hands

Hey, Donald, the correct usage is, “You are the racist. Not me.” And come on Dick, you can’t come up with a better retort than that? You’re basically saying, “I know you are, but what am I.” What are you in 3rd grade?

That said, I’ll gladly offer up my services to be your Head Put-Down Consultant. My fee: No money! Simply move to a deserted island and die alone. Reasonable? Let me know. Glad to help out!

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Working for His Dickness Is Like Working in a Gulag

Donald-Trump-Celebrity-ApprenticeThis bon mot from the Miami Herald: Apparently, Trump treats his employees like he does Mexican immigrants.

Trump’s [401(k)] contribution doesn’t completely belong to you for six years. That vesting schedule is the slowest allowed under U.S. law.

Shocking that such a major-league dick would treat his employees this badly. I mean, no it’s not.

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Trump Fires Back at the World: “Mexico Sucks, Admit It”

Departing for his usual modesty, Head Dick has released a lengthy statement justifying his hatred of Mexicans. (Wait, he doesn’t mind some Mexicans, as long they’re busboys and dishwashers.)  See it here:

Donald Trump statement on Mexico & illegal immigration

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A Tweet So Offensive Even Señor Dick Had to Delete It

Though let’s face it: Probably more likely that someone in Trump’s camp deleted this tweet. Has the Dick ever admitted that he did anything wrong? Ever? No.

Screen Shot 2015-07-06 at 11.46.56 AM

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When a Roomful of Dicks Thinks You’re Too Dickish, You Know You’re a Serious Dick

DickStruck by this little gem from the Republican media machine The Wall Street Urinal Journal.

The 2016 clown-car of candidates has been up in arms over the past week not about the legalization of gay marriage or the affirmation of Obamacare. Nope, because one rich New York asshole has taken the GOP field by storm. Of course I’m talking about perhaps the biggest dick to run for president since Whig Maximilian R. Dickshine in 1846.  That said, when a field of candidates who are as extreme and hateful as a group can be calls out Trump out for being…well, hateful, what does that say about the rich asshole? Think about it. Not one Republican candidate has an ounce of humility or humanity, yet they all speak in one voice saying Donald Trump is “too extreme” in his hatred of Mexicans. Really, Rand Paul? For it was you who, on the Rachel Maddow show in 2010, said you had some serious problems with the Civil Rights Act. And let’s not even begin with the hatred shown by Ted Cruz, Chris Christie, or Hater-in-Chief Bobby Jindal.

The real news behind the WSJ piece is the fact that all the GOP candidates criticizing Trump for his racist comments have themselves made comments just as hateful, if not more so. But now they come out of the woodwork with a newfound sense of charm and class to tell the GOP electorate that they’re human? One, it’s too late and two, the GOP electorate is one fueled by hate. Thus, Señor Dick is eating most of their (non-Mexican) lunches. Just look at the recent polls.

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Newsweek’s Q&A With the Dick Buries the Lead

You have to wade through a whole bunch of pointless drivel and rookie chest-thumping before Señor Dick really shows his supreme dickishness. He ends by making a side-note about Newsweek.

“It’s a great magazine,” he quipped. “I was on two covers, at least one.”

You’re right, Don, you WERE on at least one cover. Oh, we happen to have it here.


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