When I began this website eons ago, I had no idea just how big a dickshine one Donald J. Drumpf would become. In the past year there have been so many instances ofÂ Donald Trump dickishness, that I’d need a staff of hundreds to keep up.
I mean, the guy is such a dick that he actually brought up his dick (shudder) at the last presidential debate. Can anyone imagine a President Dick? Sure, we had tricky Dick (who now would be viewed with scorn and hatred among the Republican Party), but now the notion of El Dick becoming president isn’t so far off.
I’ll do my best to update, but there’s so much diskishness out there coming from Trump, that it’s hard catch it all.
What’s that on his head? A bald spot?
By any objective standard, it seems as if Donald Trump has been trying to torpedo his presidential candidacy since a Day One. However, incendiary statement after incendiary statement has done nothing but bolster him among the right-wing crazies.
Now, however, there seems to be an explosive allegation against El Dick. The Daily Beast is reporting that Donald Trump allegedly raped his first wife Ivana. That in and of itself would be an utterly devastating allegation. But digging a little bit deeper, the story gets even weirder. It seems as if just prior to the alleged rape, Donald was angry at his wife because her recommendation for a plastic surgeon to fix a bald spot on the Dick’s head turned out to be a bad one.
From the Daily Beast:
After a painful scalp reduction surgery to remove a bald spot, Donald Trump confronted his then-wife, who had previously used the same plastic surgeon.
âYour fucking doctor has ruined me!â Trump cried.
What followed was a âviolent assault,â according to Lost Tycoon. Donald held back Ivanaâs arms and began to pull out fistfuls of hair from her scalp, as if to mirror the pain he felt from his own operation. He tore off her clothes and unzipped his pants.
âThen he jams his penis inside her for the first time in more than sixteen months. Ivana is terrifiedâŠIt is a violent assault,â Hurt writes. âAccording to versions she repeats to some of her closest confidantes, âhe raped me.ââ
Yes, the story gets worse. Trump’s spokesperson Michael Cohen now is claiming that legally wives cannot be raped by their husbands. And of course that is entirely false.
I guess the question is: Will Dick jump the shark now? Will the Republican electorate finally realize that Donald Trump is completely out of his mind? Or will he continue to lead every Republican in every presidential poll? My feeling is the latter. The GOP voters are just crazy enough to embrace a guy who both hates immigrants and sometimes rapes his wife (when she deserves it?).
For a guy who continually brags that he ownsÂ the finest suits, the finest watches, the finest wife, the most expensive buildings, and is in possession of theÂ largest amount of solid gold shoved up his rectum, he really made our heads turn with this white (naturally) preposterous piece of dog crap he calls a hat, which he wore to his Laredo, Tex., press event.
Did he hire the finest graphic designer for this?Â Was copious thought put into this particular hat? TrumpÂ claims to be worth $10 billion, but the best you can do is order cheap $2 hat likely boughtÂ online? If this isn’t the surest sign of a dick then I don’t know what is.
Me, I would have done it in aÂ different font. Maybe Tiki Hut.
A potential Mexican rapist guards El Dick.
There are a lot of nervous Republicans hoping that Donald Trump has peaked. They appearÂ to be worried that the Dick has severely damaged the party. What they seem to forget, however, is that the core GOP hierarchy is comprisedÂ up of people just like Donald Trump.
These nattering Republicans laughablyÂ believeÂ their party is one of moderation, toleration, and humility (all wrapped in a blanket, adorned with a screaming eagle, of fiscal conservatism). Have they not been readingÂ their own party platform for the past several decades? Do they not listen to talk radio? Do they not watch Fox News? Tune into just a few minutes ofÂ this drivel and one willÂ instantly realize that the Republican Party is a party of hatred, anger, white marginalization, and self-loathing. Thus, Donald Trump is no aberration: He is the face of the Republican Party.
Why is he getting all the media attention? Because he lacks an infrastructure, a campaign machine, and any sort of governor to edit and refine his speeches. Rather than saying something to get votes, Trump is shooting his mouth off. But what he’s saying is pretty close to what most Republicans believe anyway: They don’t like immigrants, they don’t believe Barack Obama was born in the United States, and they would happily bomb every country from MexicoÂ to Russia and back again and laugh as they do it. This isn’t heresy. It’s not as ifÂ Trump’s beliefsÂ have never been heard before from greasy party operatives. What exactly is Donald Trump saying that the entire Republican Party doesn’t believe in? John McCain, a war hero or not? Who gives a shit? That’s just pettyÂ media click-bait. Poll most Republican candidates, and privately they’d agree: Most Mexicans are rapistsâthey just dare not say it.
The Republican establishment is simply pissed off that Donald Trump can say whatever the hell he wants to say, whenever he wants to say it, and that he doesn’t suffer any consequences.
Members of the U.S. Border Patrol were slated to have a photo-opÂ with the Donald at the U.S.âMexico border, but once they realized Trump is a piĂ±ata and a supreme dick, they backed out.
âJust to be clear, an endorsement was never discussed for any presidential candidate,â saidÂ a statement fromÂ Hector Garza, president of Local 2455 ofÂ the National Border Patrol Council. âLocal 2455 does not endorse candidates for any political office.â
You know up is down and night is day whenÂ Gov. Rick “Oops” Perry has the best line of the week. He said:
âI hope [Trump]Â will explain to the Hispanic Americans he meets why he thinks they are rapists and murderers.â
Seriously, Rick Perry said that.
Come on, you know you’d love to bash that in.
Seemingly unaware that piĂ±ata makers in L.A. are using El Dick’s likeness for an entire line of the party favorite, Dick is making a run for the border this week, stoppingÂ in Laredo, Tex. (a town whose population is 96 percent latino).
Will he be signing piĂ±atas? Or maybe he’ll appear at a child’s birthday and the aggressive kids with mallets will mistake the real Donald for the piĂ±ata. That’d be pretty awesome.
Despite never serving in the military (or really known how one works), The Dick slammed POW and fellow conservative John McCain saying:
“He’s not a war hero,” Trump said mockingly. “He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured.”
No, you’re confused. This guy is NOT that big fuckhead you hated in high school. Just look at him. No, he’s NOT a complete moron. You must be confused.
Funny. AndyÂ Borowitz, a writer with a super-plum gig at the New Yorker, does pretty much what I do and have done in my career. The difference is, well, he writes for the New Yorker for God’s sake.
Regardless, his latest piece on Trump v. WalkerÂ Â is very funny and spot-on. Read it here. Choice cut, a “quote” from Scott Walker:
âTo those who thought Donald Trump was the only sociopath in the race, let me say this: not anymore.â
More excellent writing from the New Yorker.
GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump, addressing a rally in Phoenix on Saturday, July 11, 2015.
El Dicko has some sagely words for Americans: Welcome back to 2010, when racist d-bag tea-party knuckle-draggersÂ ruled the country. Completely out of ideas and running his nascent campaign into the ground, Donald Trump trotted out Old ReliableÂ at one of his
Nuremberg campaign rallies.
“Don’t worry, we’ll take our country back.”
Remember that ol’ trope, spoken by the racist tea-party douches in 2010? It was a euphemismÂ for “Take our country back…from a scary black man with a foreign name.”
Happy Sunday everyone!
Just when you think a guy can’t possibly be more of a dick, more of a douchebag, he goes and does this. Why would Trump meet with families of victims killed by undocumented immigrants? Because he cares? (No.) Because he wants to get their views on the immigration debate? (No.) Because…it’s good optics for the crazy right-wing
neo-Nazis RepublicanÂ electorate? (Ding! Ding!)
Seriously, theÂ sleaziness of this act is breathtaking. Trump will do whatever it takes to prove to right-wing America that’s he’s the best racist out there.Â Meeting these families is nothing but a repulsive political stunt. But really, what else would we expect from the Biggest Dick in PoliticsÂź?